Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Terrible idea I love it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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