Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
