Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
