Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
