Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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