well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
