Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
