I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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