it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
