I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
