So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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