The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
