Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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