Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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