I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
