It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
