i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Everything about him screamed your future.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
