He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
