drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
