Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
