Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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