she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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