There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want to make out with him forever
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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