just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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