I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
