Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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