my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
