I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
