it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
