I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
