Only a mothe r could love this liver
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
