Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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