My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
