i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
