I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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