were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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