Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
