Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
