The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
even my farts smell like vagina
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
