ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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