i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
