Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
