Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
