she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
