he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
