you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
