did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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