I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
