I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
