Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
