I hate all girls vehemently.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
