Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
