His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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