I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
