Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
