my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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