Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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